A sense of Belonging, Not-Belonging, and Rice: A Hero's Journey

Its that time of year, where like almost every other college student, that motivation went with the weather. I am no exception...except I had less to begin with. Blame seniorits? Sure...That works too I suppose. But its more then that. I feel lots of it is related to utter-dissatisfaction with many aspects of being abroad and mixed feelings of my 'learning experience.'

I love going out, even if I must admit I don't know your name, the location, or anything else. The act of going out means alot. It doesn't have to be to drink, although it usually is if I go out at night, but I prefer to eat and travel. Every time I go out for a food-venture I love it, every journey through a market square is a new experience I know I will never have the opportunity to see again. Once more, I love Vietnamese food the most. Either in a 'fancy' restaurant or in a road-side shack, I'm always amazed at what I'm having; although sometimes its better just to think its 'beef.'

My education here is very mixed. I love some and despise others. Some really test my knowledge, some punish me for trying...Either way, I really just want the term to be over. Not because I miss Linfield, but because I liked the learning environment more. Group work here is miserable, and by group I mean "Yes lets meet, oh wait, I cant, sorry, oh well, the group presentation doesn't need my part that much/its just a 'small' points reduction." My biggest issue, I don't feel like I'm learning, I feel like I'm repeating.

This month is a hard month for me, particularly the end of the month will be a very hard week for me. If you know me well enough, you know why, if you don't, your better off. Its just something I really tried to move past, and really thought I did, and really tried hard, but to no avail. I've made other attempts, but little felt right and when I slightly succeed it didn't feel right and when it did feel right it fell apart before I stood a chance.

If there's one thing I do know, its that while in HK I have learned to love Wine. To the extent that I have been second-guessing getting my MPA in Medical Administration (among other reasons...) for Wine Sales and have actively sought-out schools either in Viticulture or Wine Sales/Management. So I'd have 2BAs, and the 2nd would take a term less then my Masters. I dont think that working at the IPNC or living in the Willamette Valley helped much either. But of all the experiences here, the best times have been sitting down with a friend and cracking open a bottle or two and speaking out minds, listening to music, or just complaining while reminiscing.

I miss my Linfield crew, if they read this they know who they are. If your a stragler onto this site and reading this, well... if I knew you better then I might miss you too. I'm actively awaiting seeing them all for 1 last-term. Plus already planning my Welcome-back dinner and seating arrangements for it. I have some beyond-ridiculous stories to tell; then again its me, so it already generally has a fair-amount of ridiculous involved. I really feel that this Summer working a dead-end job at Linfield offered me something that I've struggled in my years at Linfield really to solidify: a down-to-earth bonding with some friends. Particuarly racing back after work to my car to hit Happy Hour and meet some people, or chill in my Apt. with my amazing flatmate. But the late night talks, smokes, and brews outside looking at the stars is what I loved, and doing that with people I care about.

I consider myself, and have been abruptly told before too, that I'm a 'too honest' person. My demise is that I do not feel any reason to lie and if I'm asked my opinion I'll give it to you. This has lead to conflicts because I won't back down from my morales and I refuse to allow hate-mongering for the sake of hate-mongering. My friends have seen this in me, and even likely been on the other side of it too. But of all the things, I feel many don't know me; directly, for whom I am. When I get back, I plan to abruptly tell my mind, for positive or for worse, to those around me. The reasoning, I have no intention to lose them, but if they feel that way then I'm more then comfortable losing them.

I feel like I have yet to catch a breath
I feel like I have yet to get a truly rested feeling in a while
I feel like there is always some burden
I feel bitter, I feel questioned, I feel like my sense of Inner-Chi was never actually aligned

Jade Market booth

Wine and Dine Festival with some lovely ladies

Happy Valley Race Track Winning Ticket

I can't wait to see my dad in Thailand, where my only care in the world will be what to have for lunch and if I have enough air in my scuba tank. This will be my needed break. Afterwards I get to do something I've wanted to do (because of one of the most wonderful people in the world whom I met at Linfield), I'll be going to Vietnam. There I plan to eat so much Pho, look at art, and be by myself in a foreign country where I barely speak the language and get to test who I am. This will be my rice-laiden quest, my delicious cultural journey, my hopeful positive awakening.